IM FREAKING EXHAUSTED
.

cinderella.
we never realized that our daughter have grown so fast.
we never realized that our daughter no longer being a little girl.
she even marry.
Cinderella.

She spins and she sways
To whatever song plays
Without a care in the world
And I'm sitting here wearing
The weight of the world on my shoulders

It's been a long day
And there's still work to do
She's pulling at me
Saying "Dad, I need you

There's a ball at the castle
And I've been invited
And I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone...

She says he's a nice guy and I'd be impressed
She wants to know if I approve of the dress
She says, "Dad, the prom is just one week away
And I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone

She will be gone

Well, she came home today with a ring on her hand
Just glowing and telling us all they had planned
She says, "Dad, the wedding's still six months away
But I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone

*song by Steven Curtis Chapman
*picture from deviantart.com

tuhan.
Tuhan lindungi kami dari penyakit dan segala hal yang dapat menyakitkan kami

philosophy on philosophy
http://nemitzu.deviantart.com/art/Philosophy-85856271

i got from deviant-art.

What is philosophy? To philosophize is to not think about something, but to think upon those thoughts. You are to go beyond thinking, a thought beyond the thought. To think, you are to walk upon the ground, and observe it. To philosophize is to get upon your knees, and to DIG into the ground! You are to take your thoughts even further than your thoughts already. But I have heard that to philosophize is a gift. But why? Why cannot everyone take a deeper meaning into the thoughts and think upon thoughts? To dig into them? Is it the "strength" of the mind? For the one unable to philosophize, they are unable to dig their fingers into the ground. But then are we to say that those whom cannot philosophize weak minded? I don't think so. That's not right to say one is weak. But what is it that makes one unable to take a deeper meaning into their thoughts? Is it the mental comprehension? Can one only understand to a certain point? But does that mean philosophizers minds are to be unbound to comprehension? If that is so, then how do we make those whom cannot philosophize, to make them understand how they are to philosophize? It is clear to my understanding that I am bound to take one who is unable to philosophize, and to help them understand how to do so. but how is one to go about learning what is beyond comprehension? Here is an analogy: One whom cannot philosophize, their "cup" is full, or their mind is full of believes that are already there. They are unable to gain more understanding because their cup is too full, and to add more will only overflow the cup, thus confusing the person. To philosophize, you are to "empy" your cup, to unlearn what is there in order to gain greater comprehension. Because your cup is now empty, you may take a knowledge with ease, and not overflow.
But to those whom can philosophize, how makes one understand that they have the comprehension? Is it an event from another philosophizer? To make the ball roll, one must push it, because it cannot roll itself. To begin to philosophize, you must have another person make you go, or an event which begins your thoughts. But what of the ones to begin alone? They have rolled them self, how is this so? You are to start a car which has no fuel. But in order to start a car, you are to give it fuel. So it does not have to be another to make things begin, it can happen by itself.

What does it mean to "empty your cup"? That means you are to remove it's meaning. Let us say we are going to obverse a couch. To ask "What is a couch? What makes a couch, a couch?" means that the object, the couch itself has no longer a meaning. Now that you have emptied your contents, you are to fill your cup again. Do not fill it with what you have just emptied, because now you have lost the meaning to philosophize. You are to now fill it with your own thoughts. What makes it a couch? It's shape? Size? How it is structured? We know that it is a couch because you may sit upon it, and that it has cushions. But now we are to take it even further. Why does it have cushions? Is it because so we are to not sit upon a hard surface? That may be so, because if it had a hard surface, then we may use the floor for that purpose, thus rendering a couch useless. So we know it has cushions because it is soft to sit on. now we are beginning to fill our cup with contents. This is philosophizing, you are removing it's meaning and then giving it one again. But when do you know that you are done with a philosophy? To my believe, you cannot be done until everyone cannot find flaw within it. But what that also means is that it can never be done, just as that you cannot reach perfection.

reflection
.
pergi ke luar rumah di mana lu harus tinggal sendiri
di mana lu ga menemukan orang yang bisa memanjakan lu. ternyata membuat lu berubah

lu harus berlagak kuat untuk melindungi diri lu sendiri dari air mata.lu harus berlagak tegar untuk menyembunyikan rasa khawatir dan marah yang akan menghancurkan diri lu sendiri.
lu harus membuat benteng untuk membuat lu kuat.

jadi gue minta maaf kalo gue berubah.

iri.
.
hari ini, karena satu kata ini membuka pikiran saya selama ini.

tentang semua hal yang saya rasakan selama ini.

semua hal yang terangkum dalam 3 huruf pendek.

i.r.i.

mungkin saya ga pernah mensyukuri hal-hal dalam hidup saya
atau mungkin saya menganggap bahwa saya tidak pernah seberuntung dia.

atau saya selalu punya mindset yang bodoh.
'selalu menganggap diri kurang dan selalu mau mendapat lebih'
supaya mendapat pujian di kala akhir. sungguhan. aku mungkin seperti itu.

ya, baiklah saya minta maaf.
kalau saja kamu mau tau
saya tidak pernah suka berada di jajaran rasa iri ini.

saya tahu saya egois untuk segala hal itu.
dan selalu mendapat mindset.

'kamu harus lebih dari dia'
maaf, bukan saya yang mau
tapi kenapa saya harus begini.

saya ga menyalahkan siapa-siapa. saya. minta maaf saja untuk

rasa iri saya yang berlebihan.
lagi2 saya merendahkan diri
untuk mendapat yang lebih.

ya ya ya. lalu kenapa?

i lost it once i got it
.
i dont even know what kind of posting would i like to share.
even, there are so many things going in my mind.
and i can not counting one by one.

tomorrow i have a chinese's exam. my first exam. and that's fucking hard for me.
and i know that i feel so much burdened, that i havent learn chinese before. and i have
to catch up with all my friends in my class who have been workin on it when i still workin on
another language.
and it actually drive me crazyy.

and

i was thinking of something that sometimes happen in my life. and i hate it very much.
i dont know, when was the first time, i started to be a people like this.

i want to be the one, though i never recognize it.
i hate when people have more than me.

it wasnt that i really egoistic.
it just, i want to be me.
i want to be somebody whoever can not beat.

nobody is more than me
nobody is less than me.

i want to be something unique.
something special
that have some shit that they dont have.

being a people that they looking for, for something i have.
for something i can.

other that that.
i hate being like this.
i started to hate my self. i was thinking that i'm not that special.

i'm just too ordinary. that sometimes, i hate myself.
and feel sorry for myself, who tryin so hard to be exist.
why there always a person whose luck is more than mine.
or
why these people look happy, and though they look sad, another people would happily help.
and me..
and me,,
whose mind is sucks, always thinking that i feels that i'm the most sucks people.

poor me,
and i always remember what my sister in school said to me,
"you have gone through a leadership. you HAVE to be more than her."

TO BE MORE?

what the hell is that? should I? fuck off.
I really hate the thing like this. i dont know.
i feel both. i feel in between.

i dont want to be more
and, if were less than her.

make me sick. and due to this task.
i hate being like this.
and i'm stressed.
but a little smile.

to tell them, nothing serious happen.
and to convince myself. nothing is really happen. so what now?

PLEASE DONT TAKE EVERYTHING AWAY FROM ME PLEASE!
i think, i do need some encouragement.

and. friends. that trully know me better than myself. and lead me to the way i should go.
because sometimes, i even dont know what kind of way i have to go.
and i need them.

i need somebody who give me care.
not only because i'm the one of many of them.
but
because. i am the one they're thinkin of.
who?